The Daily Whatever Show, Nov 11: Forget BDE — Focus on BDB

It was Besties Day, which means no guest — just me and Lawrence, two mics, a live chat, and a whole lot of caffeine (well, tea in my case). Lawrence was packing for his flight to Seattle, I was clashing with my shirt and my freshly dyed hair, and somehow that chaos set the perfect stage to talk about my new Substack essay: “Forget BDE. Focus on BDB: Between-Date Behavior.”

The essay is about dating, sure — but really it’s about attention. The ways we show up (or don’t) in the in-between. I wrote it after a prolonged bout of writer’s block, a short but intense relationship, and a lot of overthinking about why things fall apart when the energy’s great but the follow-through isn’t.

Lawrence, as always, was my good-natured foil. He teased me about my “sugar bowl” metaphor — the line in my story where I wrote that I knew I was halfway in love when the man I was seeing washed my sugar bowl. (Yes, literally washed it. And no, that’s not a euphemism. Although it is now, apparently—and I’m not mad about it.)

But beyond the jokes, we talked about how midlife dating is weird — especially for GenXers who came of age without smartphones and now live half our relationships through them. “Between-date behavior” is what really counts: how someone shows up when you’re not together. A text, a check-in, a tiny act of care.

We also wandered, as we do, into politics — Seattle’s still-undecided mayoral race (Katie Wilson pulled ahead by 91 votes!), Senate Democrats’ spineless deal to end the shutdown, and how the SNAP benefits extension is both necessary and shamefully overdue. Somewhere in there we managed to work in asbestos, the Epstein files, and Harry Potter. Typical Monday.

But the heart of the show was about creative momentum and emotional honesty — how breaking a writing habit can feel like breaking a spell, and how telling the truth (even about something as small as a text thread) can open that channel back up.

And we both agreed—all we really need in life is someone to wash our sugar bowl. Literally and metaphorically.

Thank you

Robin Wilding

,

Nick Paro

,

Jason Odell

,

Kenyon

,

Caro Henry

,

Eric Lullove

and many others for tuning in.

Join us tomorrow when

Lawrence Winnerman

is in Seattle and we welcome

Nick Paro

to the show!