A wonderful piece. It’s interesting, as I myself often seem to embody equal parts your perspective and your daughter’s.
Still, there are often times where I fully embody your daughter’s view, while understanding your boundaries assessment and, yet, other times where it seems to flip.
The gendercentrism narrative we have been fed, I am 46, is like a scar that is always there, if we choose to notice it. However, if we choose not to, we might somehow be able to train ourselves out of our toxic upbringings and our parent’s and the peers’ naive bungling on understanding that identity is everything and that people, regardless of how they identify, deserve to be who they feel they are.
I always knew I wanted to be a transgender woman, but I grew up in the 80s/90s and the realities of that experience were much different then than they are today. I never considered it as a valid lifestyle until well into adulthood and even then, I never felt brave enough to fully embrace and commit to the identity I wanted.
Once I reached puberty I knew I was attracted to women and felt no chemistry towards masculinity. But I knew I also wasn’t even remotely interested in being a boyfriend or a husband so I never dated. Even well into my thirties there was no thought given to even considering a transgender partner. I don’t know if it was the parts I was more concerned about, or the fear over assumptions that I’d be paring with someone as messed up as me.
Now, into my mid-40s, I absolutely would date a trans woman. I’ve since had exposure to other people like me and discovered that I do feel chemistry, and that I don’t really care about parts.
So, yeah. I was a transgender person who was also transphobic… in the literal sense of the word that I feared people like me.
But you can’t really fight your chemistry. If you’ve met a bunch of transgender people but still don’t feel the spark, that’s not something you can help. I believe that true transphobia involves a choice, even if usually that choice involves avoidance and ignorance.
You’re a very beautiful woman. Thank you. Thank you. I’m drawn to your heroism. The Love you show and write about is beautiful. It’s so great being accepting. And I see the love extend through this. You show so much balance. I give you flowers because you deserve them. And it’s important to celebrate wonderful trailblazers like you.
Thank you for sharing this beautifully written snapshot of your life and relationship with your teen. Both of your points of view are so touching, and hopefully a huge part of my life: healthy personal boundaries and choices; fairness and justice for all. 💜
Trans is wonderful. Trans people are wonderful. They don’t discriminate. I think what is so fulfilling about it being a straight man is just seeing how much of them were so nice and cool. We I say we cause They are me to. There’s no them and us. It’s all of us. It was always like a cool club just being around them nobody said hey you’re black hey your straight hey you’re white hey you’re gay hey you’re lesbian. It was just you belong. And I think that’s what’s so cool about Trans people. There’s no discrimination. They are wonderful people and hanging with them they are fun and they want to make you feel special.
I think it's a testament to how your daughter sees the world to you, Dana. She obviously doesn't have the moral clarity she does without you. Also, you having the internal monologue to question your own responses during this story is what I try to strive to do. Rather than be defensive and stand up for my words, I would like to be someone who listens and analyzes what is really important. It sounds like you have a great daughter.
A wonderful piece. It’s interesting, as I myself often seem to embody equal parts your perspective and your daughter’s.
Still, there are often times where I fully embody your daughter’s view, while understanding your boundaries assessment and, yet, other times where it seems to flip.
The gendercentrism narrative we have been fed, I am 46, is like a scar that is always there, if we choose to notice it. However, if we choose not to, we might somehow be able to train ourselves out of our toxic upbringings and our parent’s and the peers’ naive bungling on understanding that identity is everything and that people, regardless of how they identify, deserve to be who they feel they are.
I always knew I wanted to be a transgender woman, but I grew up in the 80s/90s and the realities of that experience were much different then than they are today. I never considered it as a valid lifestyle until well into adulthood and even then, I never felt brave enough to fully embrace and commit to the identity I wanted.
Once I reached puberty I knew I was attracted to women and felt no chemistry towards masculinity. But I knew I also wasn’t even remotely interested in being a boyfriend or a husband so I never dated. Even well into my thirties there was no thought given to even considering a transgender partner. I don’t know if it was the parts I was more concerned about, or the fear over assumptions that I’d be paring with someone as messed up as me.
Now, into my mid-40s, I absolutely would date a trans woman. I’ve since had exposure to other people like me and discovered that I do feel chemistry, and that I don’t really care about parts.
So, yeah. I was a transgender person who was also transphobic… in the literal sense of the word that I feared people like me.
But you can’t really fight your chemistry. If you’ve met a bunch of transgender people but still don’t feel the spark, that’s not something you can help. I believe that true transphobia involves a choice, even if usually that choice involves avoidance and ignorance.
You’re a very beautiful woman. Thank you. Thank you. I’m drawn to your heroism. The Love you show and write about is beautiful. It’s so great being accepting. And I see the love extend through this. You show so much balance. I give you flowers because you deserve them. And it’s important to celebrate wonderful trailblazers like you.
Thank you for sharing this beautifully written snapshot of your life and relationship with your teen. Both of your points of view are so touching, and hopefully a huge part of my life: healthy personal boundaries and choices; fairness and justice for all. 💜
Trans is wonderful. Trans people are wonderful. They don’t discriminate. I think what is so fulfilling about it being a straight man is just seeing how much of them were so nice and cool. We I say we cause They are me to. There’s no them and us. It’s all of us. It was always like a cool club just being around them nobody said hey you’re black hey your straight hey you’re white hey you’re gay hey you’re lesbian. It was just you belong. And I think that’s what’s so cool about Trans people. There’s no discrimination. They are wonderful people and hanging with them they are fun and they want to make you feel special.
I think it's a testament to how your daughter sees the world to you, Dana. She obviously doesn't have the moral clarity she does without you. Also, you having the internal monologue to question your own responses during this story is what I try to strive to do. Rather than be defensive and stand up for my words, I would like to be someone who listens and analyzes what is really important. It sounds like you have a great daughter.