How to End a Love Story in 214 Words
Why this GenX woman won’t date the politically neutral (and neither should you).
Jake* is the coolest man I’ve seen on Facebook Dating in a hot minute, and I’m as eager to tell you our story as I was to swipe right on his profile.
But first, I need to talk about middle-aged white women and Idaho.
Last weekend, a woman was forcibly dragged out of a town hall by private security in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Her offense? Speaking out at a local Republican-run meeting. “Women are dying!” she can be heard shouting at the start of the video. “Is this a town hall or a lecture?”
In the end, it was neither.
It was an egregious violation of the First Amendment. An excessive and unnecessary use of force. A scene straight out of The Handmaid’s Tale.
It’s horrifying — but necessary — to watch.
The woman is Teresa Borrenpohl, a former Democratic candidate for Idaho House of Representatives. If she runs again, she can take all my money. We need more liberal leaders with her resolve, composure, and grit.
But sadly, among middle-aged white women, Teresa and I are the minority.
Black women understood the assignment: 91% of them voted for Harris.
White women handed him the White House: 53% of us voted for him.
White women looked at our two candidates for President and a majority of us decided the man who’d already rolled back our rights 50 years, the convicted rapist who promised he would protect women, “whether the women like it or not,” was the better choice.
I can’t claim to know why. But I suspect it’s because white women have a presumption of safety that black women don’t. Our privilege protects us from daily aggressions and provides a false sense of security. We believe our communities are safe. We believe our men are good men, that they will protect us.
But watch the video.
Notice how the men cheer as Borrenpohl struggles. Then read some of the comments. “Plain and simple…GET OUT!!!” says FrankJames-vk1fy. “It’s about time” says MrBowser2012. These so-called patriots love seeing an outspoken woman pinned down and punished more than they regard our core American freedoms — of speech, of assembly.
These men are the villains in our modern-day political nightmare. But they’re not acting alone.
Note what else is missing in that video. Not a single man in that crowd stands up for this woman to try to stop the attack.
Not one intervenes.
Not one raises their voice.
They just watch.
I can understand why a woman might fear physical violence when surrounded by a crowd of incensed men and hesitate to act. But where were the so-called good men? They did nothing.
Their neutrality rendered them useless. Their non-action allowed this assault to happen.
Jake is tall, dark, and stylish; his impish grin charms me through my iPhone screen. I swipe an enthusiastic right and am delighted when he likes me back — so much so that we quickly move out of the app and into text messaging.
Hello Jake!
Hello Dana
Nice to have you here!!
So much easier to talk like this
It’s so much easier.
Jinx! Two hits
Two hits? :)
When you say jinx you always get 2 hits to the shoulder. That’s the way we always played it as kids anyway
It must be a Texas thing! We’d say “buy me a Coke”
I have no idea why
You’d act like you’d hit them in the shoulder
I don’t think the whole jinx thing has endured. I can’t recall my kids saying it
I’m from Texas, funny you brought Texas up
I know, I saw it in your profile!
Oh, Duh on my part
It looks like an older profile, or else you just had a birthday. :)
Back in August last year, yes
Are you a Leo?
I am
And I live up to the name
Same, and same!
I love that
Leo’s are awsome
Yes we are
Icebreaker question for you — how are you feeling about life under this new administration…?
Oh starting out with the political stuff
Ok, here’s my deal, personally, I believe politics shouldn’t have any bearing on any relationship because left, right doesn’t matter, it’s the person I care about.
Then this isn’t gonna work out. Best of luck to you, Jake.
Ok then
In 214 words and under five minutes, I kill our budding romance by smashing my thumb on the “block” button.
I suspect many of you find no fault with Jake’s response, even fellow liberal single ladies. You may think I’m overreacting.
As women, we’re bombarded with online dating advice to give men a chance, to overlook imperfections, to try to fit square pegs into our, um, round holes.
We’ve also been subjected to a steady drone of social media platitudes about relationships and politics. “Don’t let the election come between your friendships or family,” the memes chide us. “It’s just politics.” Funny how only people who voted for Trump are saying that.
At times, I can see merit in seeking common ground.
2025 in the United States is not that time.
This is triply true when it comes to potential romantic and sexual partners.
Just as we need to stop analyzing Trump’s unhinged ideas like they’re normal policy proposals, we must stop considering men who lack the courage to oppose an administration that outwardly seeks to do harm.
A call for neutrality enables the current administration to trounce rights of the most marginalized, like the LGBTQ+ population, immigrants, and women — yes, even you, white women.
Encouraging common ground is weaponized political neutrality.
It’s toxic, and it’s dangerous.
If you think this stops with private security guards dragging a woman out of a town hall by her ankles — you’re dangerously wrong.
I live in Seattle. It’s the bluest bubble in the state of Washington, which is the bluest — or at least, the least red — in the country. Here many online dating profiles specify “no Trumpers.”
At a minimum, claiming political neutrality is advantageous for conservative men here, lest they rule out most of the women in the city.
But even outside Seattle, younger women increasingly aren’t willing to date Trump supporters.
And can you blame us? MAGA men don’t believe women have bodily autonomy. They cheered as he overturned overturned Roe v. Wade and as Republicans do everything in their (now unbridled) power to criminalize abortion and then come after contraception. His reelection unleashed an era of unbridled “your body, my choice” misogyny that endangers all of us.
So if a dating profile features a red MAGA hat and states he’s for “god, country, and family?” He’s a hard no.
If a profile says “2A” or shows a photo of him with a gun — and it’s shocking how many men try to attract a partner by pointing a rifle at her through their dating profile photos — he’s a super hard no.
And if his profile says he’s “not political?” That’s still grounds for a no.
Not political means he’s a man unbothered by how women and LGBTQ+ people are being targeted by this administration. It’s emotional cowardice in the face of oppression. It’s likely a dude hedging his bets, trying to remain an option no matter the political affiliation of the woman he’s pursuing. It’s disingenuous at best. If it’s in earnest? It’s a moral neutrality I can’t abide.
Any response to this administration that falls short of anger, disgust, or fear is unacceptable. I’m not interested in knowing a coward in any capacity, and especially not a romantic one.
Even if he’s as adorable as Jake.
I’m not saying Jake is a monster. He’s probably a fun guy, possibly a great kisser and a devoted boyfriend. But I’ll never know, and that’s fine. There must be consequences for shrugging at the actions of this administration.
I hate that this is our collective reality.
I’d love to return to an era where we could support different political parties and remain on the same moral continuum.
But I refuse to pretend we’re still there.
Fascists don’t succeed just because they have fervent supporters. Their power grows when not enough people are willing to take a stance against them.
Don’t normalize the outrageous behavior of this administration.
Don’t normalize ignoring the outrageous behavior of this administration.
Don’t stand by and watch as your fellow Americans have their voices silenced and get dragged out by their ankles. And let the men you let into your life know you won’t tolerate inaction from them, either.
Vet your suitors, ladies. We don’t have much political power at the moment, but we certainly have agency over who gets access to our hearts, minds, and bodies — at least, for now.
Use it.
Greetings!
I’m Dana DuBois, a GenX word nerd living in the Pacific Northwest with a whole lot of little words to share. I’m a founder and editor of two Medium publications: Pink Hair & Pronouns and Three Imaginary Girls. I write across a variety of topics but parenting, music and pop culture, relationships, and feminism are my favorites. Em-dashes, Oxford commas, and well-placed semi-colons make my heart happy.
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